Battle

Why is it that life is such a battle??? For me, being a woman, I battle my children, my weight, my thoughts. I battle the urge to fall a sleep or the urge to wake my self up and stay awake. I even battle in my nightmares...why do I have such crazy nightmares to being with.  I battle time, love, life and my husband. I am tired of battle...I am tired of not having peace. What is with that. 

Holiday Weekend

Ok, well I don't like the weekends so much....let me re-phrase that.....I like weekends because the hubby is home and we can go on family outings or just relax and have family time together, but as far as food and exercise, weekends are hard....I am totaly off my schedule and get side tracked to easy.   

My weekend started on Friday, July 3rd, which was our wedding anniversary...13 years...so all of the kids had sleepovers and my hubby and I went out to dinner and met with friends for drinks after....It was a nice and relaxing night.

Saturday, was a do nothing day, after getting the kids we just hung at home and did nothing...which is rare.....then later that night one of the kiddies was in the fourth of July parade and we attended that then took them to dinner at Olive Garden....which was good..actually too good!!! No exercise that day.   

Then Sunday we cooked out and went to see fireworks, yesterday we had my hubby's family over and leftovers.

I don't know why is it so hard to keep a schedule on the weekends... now I feel extreme yuckness (not a word I know..but my description) because I didn't do well over the weekend....I am trying hard not to beat myself up and just letting go...but sometimes I get these waves that pass over me and the guilty feeling comes back...Why is it so difficult to  stay on track....is it that I don't want it bad enough...because I do.....is it that I let others dictate or guilt me into eating what I know is not healthy for me....or the fact that I go in with the attitude that I can eat anything just in moderation and then talk my self into "one more bite" which ends up to be 20 one more bites????

Tomorrow I will be weight myself..and today I will be food journaling maybe thats the key.

I don't know, I am not an expert, but I am the only one that can truly lose the weight, NO ONE can do it for me I am the only one that can! So it is high time I start Living on the Edge....of My Own Life!

Running

Well yesterday I felt as if I lived in my car....giving my daughter a 30 minute ride to work only to have her call me an hour later to pick her up!!The adventures of being a mom!

I didn't get to walk with my friend on Thursday, but I did exercise by running 3miles and walking a mile on my own. It was a good run until mile 2, then I wanted to quit, but I found some kind of determination to make it the rest of the way.

    This first week of "summer vacation" hasn't been too stressful with all of the kids home. I am allowing myself to be aware of my moods and feelings, for my eating habits as well as how I react to my family members.   I will start with food next week, but for yesterday I had a vegetarian meal for dinner. We had make-your-own taco/burritos with ground beef, but as the hubby and kids chowed down, my burrito was on a spinach tortilla, with all veggies. I try to at least have a meatless meal once a week for dinner. I find myself, at this stage in life staying away from red meat and going for more chicken, but meatless meals some how make me feel lighter and not as stuffed after I finish.

I also was going to weigh myself everyday, but I think for now I might do it once or twice a week, I do not want to become to obsessed with the scale, my goal is to be as active as I can, make healthy eating choices, and live in the present moment with less worrying about the future and most importantly making sure I am always  "Living on the Edge....of My Own Life!"

Until Monday....have a wonderful, healthy weekend!

  

Leg Strength

My Exercise yesterday consisted of mowing the lawn, biking to my friends house, walking 3+miles and biking home. What we put our legs through in a day is monumental...think about what strength our legs allow us to carry, participate in, keep us standing as well as functioning. How grateful I am to be allowed to utilize them in this way.

On our walk my dearest friend is coping with caring for her 94 year old mother, these walks are twofold, one so she can vent, and two so I get exercise. We were discussing yesterday about friendship and that true friends will allow you to vent about the same subject for a long period of time(even years), free from judgement or complaint of having to listening to the same subject over and over, that is just what friends do. I totally agree, I don't know how I would have managed to get through the trials of my divorce years ago,with out good friends, as well as being there for friends when one of them needed some council at 2 A.M. I also believe that we are sent friends to be teachers or mentors. 

So one of my thoughts yesterday as we walked and I listened, was that although I am not experiencing the same trail as my dear friend, these walks and venting might be preparing me for the same situation, since my mother is not quite 80, but still very independent.

"A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should."  

                                    ~ Unknown

Weight

"We each have gifts that were intended to be shared at this particular time and in this particular place where we happen to find ourselves"(K. Armstrong)Well its my particular time and this is my ability to share with the world.

Well, when I got up this morning I stepped on the scale, looked down and opened my eyes to my true weight, 159.5 pounds, on this 5'1" frame. There it is out there for the world to read....my reality, my true weight. Now it is time to move on and climb out of this life, into anew. I will not minimize myself or my life anymore, I have and will make it a conscience effort to make healthy choices for food and exercise, to allow my body to feel and reap the benefits of pure health.

I ran 2 miles then walked 1.5miles on Monday and on Tuesday walked 3.4miles with a friend while chatting up a storm, today not sure what exercise it will be, but know that some form will be completed by the end of the day. Also I have been making healthier food choices, last night I was hungry after having a salad and 3oz. of protein for dinner, so instead of the ice cream with kit kat that I was craving, I opted for some organic strawberries and a teaspoon of nutella.

Monday however, our 3 younger kids were at my sister in laws and the hubby and I were going to have a nice dinner, well by the time he got home I was starving and wanted to keep my promise to myself of eating healthy, but sometimes I think my hubby tries to de-rail my healthy eating plan. I don't think he does this knowingly, he is not that type of person, but subconsciously maybe.

Living every moment in the present is hard and I am finding fast that it must be a constant effort, but I refuse to let go of Living on the Edge...of My Own Life!

Start of My Life

Well technically my life started when my mother gave birth to me all those years ago, but this blog is going to be the start of my life from this day forward. No hiding behind life as it happens...no more excuses of starting a exercise and eating plan on Monday....I want to experience life as it happens, NOW! I have all these thoughts of who I should be, or how I should be living....or what my goals should be..etc. I have issues of over weight and want to lighten my load, I don't believe in dieting, I believe that restricting what one eats only makes a person want it more, then when eating it one tends to overindulge. Food should be allowed in moderation and enjoyed slowly not gulped down. I hate to exercise but I do it anyway. Some days are better than others but I try to exercise 5 days a week for an hour or more. With that said I am ready, I am willing and I am certainly able to change my life and be a better Wife, Mother and overall person. I am going to live in the present, live my life to the fullest starting TODAY!