Reverb10 Prompt 31

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

I just finished my blog post only to lose it...bummer.....now to start all over again and try to remember what I wrote!!!!


Life throws you some curve balls...maybe losing my post was a sign that new beginnings...such as the  New Year is really a chance to "start over".


My core story has been to find myself...to allow myself to really see who I am.  I just started a book last night titled: The Gift of Imperfection, Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brene' Brown, one of the Reverb10 authors.  With this book I am hoping to find some insight and answers on how to do this. 


At one point, a few years ago, I thought that I had to go away in order to find myself. I left my husband and five kids and  drove to Cape Cod by myself to attend a womens retreat conducted by the best selling author, Joan Anderson(A Year By the Sea). I was there for 7 days, 4 of which were the retreat,  I was so in search for that ahh haa moment while there, but I had nada...zero....zip.


Sometimes I think I try to hard to make it happen, sometimes to little...sometimes I think it is probably right in front of me and I am too hyped up to see anything...This year 2011 I am trying something a bit different...besides starting the book above, I have chosen a word for the year to help on my quest to self. I have chosen a word to help my mind and soul realize the real me, to just be comfortable in my body, alive in the moments of my life on a daily basis, and authentic in my words, meanings and gestures. 


I wish to release the past mistakes and memories of their hold, relish in my children and the way they so easily articulate lifes moments, revive my zest for life(whatever that zest may be) and replenish my soul with inspiration.


Thank you Reverb10 and authors for allowing me to dig deep and bring out the best in myself.
Happy New Year 2011 to all and may this year bring you to where you want to be. 
Much Love and Happiness
~Beth 

Reverb10 Prompt 30

Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I would have to say the most memorable gift I received this year was a hug from my good friend Marea.

Her mother just passed away right before Thanksgiving and I had been fortunate enough to walk beside my friend during the difficult months that preceded her mother's death. 

I was able to just be there for her,  a listener to validate all her concerns and fears. When the time came for the funeral mass I was happy to help her with whatever she needed done. 

Then at the mass on my way up to receive communion, she saw me out of the corner of her eye and reached her hand out, pulled me in and gave me this hug....this hug of thanks, a hug of relief, a hug of tears, a hug of friendship and love. 


Something about that simple act of kindness touched my soul.

Reverb10 Prompt 29

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I love the thought of being able to escape from my life as a mother and wife...so when my mom and I took a trip to Arizona this year I was elated to "get away" from it all. 

Or so I thought...

I found that I wished I was at home....I had a defining moment while being a few thousand miles away...It hit me like a ton of bricks...as much as I like having my alone time...I will never...thats right never..attend another wedding without my husband again. 

The mind is a fickle beast....because 

before leaving for the trip...my mind filled with all these thoughts of being alone and semi-free to enjoy the trip and sights...but in all reality I wished I was with my husband and children, that they could have traveled on this trip along with me and we could have navigated the the ups and downs, hectic schedule, irritating children(at times) which is what makes the trips memorable. All the chaos that I try to escape is sometimes what defines me as a mother and wife. 

Please don't get me wrong I love my mother and was filled with gratitude to be able to accompany her on this trip...but my husband is my partner and there is no one I would rather share these experiences with. 

Reverb10 Prompt 28

Prompt: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. 

There are a lot of things that I wish to achieve in 2011. When the New Year starts it is such a sigh of relief..a "do over" of sorts...a clean slate...its like getting a new journal of beautiful blank pages to write a brand new story of your life.

My biggest thing to be able to achieve in 2011 is: lose weight, to actually stick to a plan and exercise 5-6 days a week, and to most of all eat healthier...I would love to become a vegetarian, but I think I love chicken too much!!!

When I finally achieve this goal I hope to feel.....comfortable....thats it..not some big free, slimmer, transformed person....just comfortable...comfortable in my clothes, comfortable with myself, and most of all comfortable in my own life. 

10 Thoughts....

1.  Have a positive attitude(which I desperately need).

2. Remember that the struggle is worth the out come of being comfortable.

3. If you screw up...get right back on track, don't beat yourself up about it.

4. Follow your heart...no matter what...go with what you know to be true.(if someone wants to eat out and you know it would alter your eating habits...don't do it if you think its too soon and the will power isn't there for you.)

5.  Get up an exercise even if you don't want to...you know that you will feel better after.

6. Try to recognize why your feeling ...angry...agitated...etc.. it probably has nothing to do with the situation you are in at that moment ...its most likely a totally different reason from another time and place...old feelings creeping back in.

7. Center yourself and breathe...breathe deep and calmly.

8. Live in the moment.

9. Try to realize that the weight took years to get there and its not just going to melt off...it will take time and effort.

10. Love yourself daily, minute by minute, second by second. 

Reverb10 Prompt 16 to 27

Reverb 10  Promts  16 thru 27

December 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

My best friend is my husband…I know…I am lame…I have 2 girlfriends one is single with no kids and the other one is a bit older than me with 2 kids in college…so my husband is the one I bounce things off …even though he is a guy he does his best to understand..but he still, after all, is a guy.  My older friend has allowed me to be a part of her life…and she makes me want to be a better person because of it. I have watched her go though the sickness daughter but more recent the sickness and death of her mother…she has allowed me to be her sounding board and confident, she is an amazing woman and I am honored to be her friend.

December 17 – Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

I am stronger than I thought…and I do more than I think I do. Sometimes I feel as if I do nothing all day…but in the end..my kids are clothed and fed and the house is clean. I hope I can carry this thought forward into next year and apply it every time I have negative thoughts.

December 18 – Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

Rock climbing. And to finally eat healthy and lose weight. While I was exercising and running in 2010 I felt so much better about myself….when I stopped exercising I fell back into the trap…I have to keep up the exercising….I have to persist in making the choice to keep on moving forward ALWAYS!!

December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

I would love to be healed in 2011 by knowing who I am…knowing how to fully feel alive everyday…to find my lifes purpose.

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

Lose weight…yes I want to commit to a healthy lifestyle and feel comfortable in my clothes.

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)

Stress less…live in the moment…treasure the memories of your kids they grow to fast…exercise more because it makes you feel so much better..and it will allow you to feel better about life.

December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

I traveled with my family to New Jersey, then in October I went with my mother to Arizona…In 2011 I will not travel without my husband. I will not attend one wedding without him whether close or far away ever again.

December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott) 

I have been introducing myself for the last 43 years by Beth…well in 2011 I would live to introduce myself as Beth and truly know who I am!

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis) 

There isn’t a moment that serves as proof that everything is ok…but having faith, love and hope..gets me through the day.

December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]

Thats me hiding behind a stuffed animal...basically I hide behind life....fat and ashamed of my looks...I would love to be set free in 2011, not afraid to live and feel alive. 

December 26 – Soul Food What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul? (Author: Elise Marie Collins)

It seems to me that everything I ate went in my mouth and to my stomach…I hope that in 2011 I can eat to live instead of live to eat…I would say that coffee is the one thing that touched my soul because it is the first nourishment I have every day and its usually quiet before the kids get up and that quiet is my soul searching time.

December 27 – Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown) 

Watching my children when they are intently doing something…singing in the chorus at school, playing violin, playing out in the backyard, sitting on the living room floor singing to the T.V….watching them when they don’t know you’re watching…their smiles are always joyous. 

Reverb10 Prompt 1-10

Reverb 10   Prompts 1-10

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

One word to encapsulate the year 2010 would be “intermittent”  defined: adjective

1. stopping or ceasing for a time; alternately ceasing andbeginning again: an intermittent pain.

2. alternately functioning and not functioning or alternately functioning properly and improperly.

   It felt as if my life in 2010 would start and stop…I get on a plan and exercise…do it well for a few months then something would interfere and I would stop. Start to eat healthy…get a cold…my confidence would be shot down…then start eating unhealthy again!!!

The word I would like to use for 2011 would be…hhmmm I don’t know yet…maybe “create”….create my life…create a new path….create myself!  Or maybe “self”(–noun

1. a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: one's own self.)

take care of myself…make myself healthy…exercise myself….put myself first…find myself…

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

I would love to be able to articulate my thoughts onto paper/blog/journal etc…I have, what I think are good thoughts and by the time I get to the computer or remember to write them down…I forget what the thoughts were.!!! I would like to be more “on the ball” with that.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The moment I felt most alive this year…to be honest I don’t know if there was…being a mother to 5 children and a husband…I am just glad to make it through the day…I am mostly on auto pilot and I would love to be able to feel alive everyday in 2011, to marvel at something whether it be my kids, hubby or just nature.  

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I wondered a lot this year…read a lot of inspiring books…or rather read books to get inspired…I hope to act on that wonder in 2011…to be an example of wonder and inspiration to my family as well as myself.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I tried very hard to let go and let God this year…I tried very hard to not worry about what others thought…some days it worked others it didn’t. I tried to remember that I do not control others …whatever they may do is on them… I can only control how I feel and how I react to situations.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I made Christmas dinner.

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

I have discovered blogs this year…blogs that I go to everyday and check on the posts..but I never leave comments… I like to read what others have to say…but have this fear of commenting…as if I would not make sense or sound uneducated. I have my own blog but no one visits it…because I have few friends I would love to deeply connect with women and mothers that go through the same day to day challenges of life as I do.

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I am pretty easy to get along with…even my ex-husbands  ex-girlfriend and I are very good friends…with others I try to break the ice…or to crack jokes to make it easier to get along…(but the odd thing is ..with my family I am the total opposite.) I would love to have the sense of ease and laughter with my family.

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

We took a trip to New Jersey for a wedding and it was great…the food …the people…my family..the trip to NYC. It rocked our socks off!!

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

I don’t recall any wise decisions that I have made in the past 12 months…this year seems all a blur…I hope I can make and remember them in 2011

Reverb10 Prompt 15

Prompt: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

I would remember all the laughter that my family and I have shared throughout 2010, none of the pain, anger, tough times or the loss of loved ones would even enter in the picture.  It would be the good happy times, the laughter, the beauty of their faces while smiling, the color of their cheeks when laughing so hard they turn pink and their eyes and how they sparkle. 

"Laughter is the best medicine"

Reverb10 Prompt 14

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

In October of 2009 I finally made the decision to quit my part-time job. It took me over a year to have the nerve to quit.  My husband had always backed me on the decision but I could never get the "balls" to do it. 

I was always afraid that there would not be enough money for our family to survive. We are a family of seven, it was the worst financial time in U.S. history and  I wanted to quit, leaving all the burden on my husband. 

So here it is 14 months later and we are doing okay, there are no bill collectors calling, the heat and electric are on, the house is clean, the children are happy and there is food on the table. 

I am most appreciative of my husband and his job, plus the confidence he had in me and our family to survive when I did not. 

I am now a stay at home mom, taking care of our children and the household, I wish I could say that every minute of everyday I show gratitude for being at home, but I don't....sometimes everything gets to me and I am not as grateful as I should be (or its PMS kicking in!!!), I have told my husband how grateful I am and I hope he knows by the way I keep the house, or when I  shovel the snow from driveway three times in one day!!

All kidding aside...Life, Marriage and children are a give and take, and I am so thankful for my husbands giving heart, his faith, his support and his job. 

Reverb10 Prompt 13

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

aspiration as·pi·ra·tion

 [as-puh-rey-shuh n] –noun

1. strong desire, longing, or aim; ambition:

 intellectualaspirations.

2. a goal or objective desired

When thinking about this I find myself lost in thought..... realizing that I have a long lists of aspirations.....but the problem I encounter is completing or even getting the gumption to start working toward making them happen.   Why is it so hard for me to follow through???Take for example losing weight.....I need to lose 35 lbs...which doesn't seem to be a lot when I write it on paper but in my reality it might as well be 100 pounds!!

I want it bad enough ...but maybe not that bad, because when I start taking the steps of running, riding the bike, lifting weights,eating healthy....it doesn't last long, I get derailed by a cold or kids getting sick, not having time to cook dinner and eating out seem to be an easier option, house hold errands or the busyness of "shuttle service" for my children. 


 Another aspiration is to write a blog everyday...the ups and downs as a wife, mother with 5 children and the everyday happenings that I go through...sometimes serious and but most  times comical, things that story books are made of...some instances a reader might think are made up...but they are not...I have lived them!! Why don't I allow myself to do that...does the fear seem bigger than the aspiration???

 Why is it so hard to follow through???

...fear??

....not having a friends to cheer me on or go with me on runs??

....feeling alone on this journey???

...if my friends and family saw the blog, they would not give good feedback, maybe even saying it was stupid???

why does action seem like a brick wall......which is too high to get over, and it just  easier to back down???

  

  

Reverb 12 Prompt

Prompt: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

To be honest...the "integration" comes and goes it is not an every moment occurrence. As I contemplate this prompt, I find myself wishing it was every moment, and wonder how I can make it as such.   

When I am running on the treadmill or outside, I feel alive and present, but the problem to get that feeling of wholeness everyday is hard with busy schedules of 5 children and a husband.  

My brain has been alert to finding wholeness, oneness with oneself, peace, harmony etc...all year long in 2010 but I have yet to have been successful. I have glimpses, milliseconds of feelings and then poof its gone.  I felt this fleeting moment in May of this year at my youngest daughters first communion....as I looked down the pew, seeing all of my children (ages 20 to 9), my mother, and my husband this overwhelming feeling welled up inside me and I just felt the peace-fullness of love's greatest power. At that moment I knew that it was possible to be alive and present to life's love and wholeness.  

Thanks Reverb for reminding me that I can be whole and enjoying the fullness and beauty of life in every moment I just have to remember to do so.

Reverb10 Prompt 11

                                              

Reverb10 

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

1. stress

2. anger

3. excess body weight

4. excess stuff around the house

5. cable

6. home phone

7.credit cards

8. eating out too much 

9.

10.

11.

If one really thinks about it...which most of us don't...we only have a mere +/-80 years on this earth, which isn't long at all, its only 80 Christmases, 80 birthdays, etc.... so on my lists of 11 things to eliminate stress is the number one thing that robs myself of time, time that could be spent with love ones enjoying life, instead of in a corner fretting about life and situations that I cannot control. #2 anger is also a big "life sucker", robbing me of time and energy, that ultimately leaves me depleted and alone.  #3 Weight...well what can I say 11 pounds could be the whole reverb list!!! #4 It is time to downsize.... we all accumulate a lot of crap over the years...so I think that "less is more" is the phase for the New Year!  #5 and #6 getting rid of cable and home phone will lower the bills a bit and make it possible to sit in the living room with out being hypnotized but the "boob tube", maybe the family and I could actually have enlightening conversations! #7  Credit cards can come in handy..but for the most part they enable me to buy whatever I want when I want...instant gratification....which is overrated!!! its time to rein in the cards and keep it simple, which could fall over into the rest of my life and allow me to concentrate on family memories instead of buying happiness.  #8 Cooking at home has to be a priority in 2011, It is convenient to eat out in this fast paced life...but the crap that goes into to the fast food  is bad for the body...teaching the kids to eat healthy will give them a good start to living a healthy life.   


Well for 9,10, and 11 I am not sure at this point...but hopefully making the changes 1-8 will spill over in abundance in my life and the life of my family and allow me to see a 9,10, and 11 that could be eliminated as well.